So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
