whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
