By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
