I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
