Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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