I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
