my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
