and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
