Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
