I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
All the doctor said was why
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
