I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
