I CAN MOONWALK!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
