It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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