Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
