We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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