I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
