He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
