Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
