I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
