My pussy is not your playground.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
