I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
