I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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