I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
