Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
