Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
