tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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