You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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