never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
