I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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