No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
