I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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