I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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