update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
