She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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