I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
