in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
