Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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