the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
