It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
