Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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