im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
how do flat chested girls get laid?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
