It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
