Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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