If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
