Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
