what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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