We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
