i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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