I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
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At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
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I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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