does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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