my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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