Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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