I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
