pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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