so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
