I hope mine doesn't look like that
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
