Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
