I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
