my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize