Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
