real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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