I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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