really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
