I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
