When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
