Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Text me some of your sweat
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