I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
