I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
